It hurts so much, to have him be so near in my mind, and yet physically be so far. Such a mental connection, over 7 months time, and yet it feels like we've known each other for years. We talk every night (almost), text every day. We share so many interests, can have an intelligent conversation, and then fall into a comfortable silence and just listen to the other breathe.
It's a beautiful and amazing thing to have, was something that I've only had once before, and to have it just out of my reach is maddening and frustrating all at the same time. It breaks my heart to ache for him so, to yearn for his touch and to have him at my back as i fall asleep safe and secure in his arms; and yet it probably wont happen.
I try so hard to be positive, to say that we WILL get to see each other face to face and be able to finally get the physical contact we so desperately yearn for; but some days, it seems so bleak. Especially after the past few days have become total shit, I just need someone to go to that will hold me and make me feel safe. Doesn't have to speak, just hold me and let me gather my thoughts.
I miss that, that quiet embrace of support and strength. To be able to burrow my head into a strong chest or the crook of his neck and breath in that male scent. I know deep down inside of me that he is what i need right now, because i care for him so much, because of that connection. I don't want to sit and wait for him, and he doesn't want me to do that either, but... part of me is hoping and waiting.
I didn't want to last night but i cried for him, wishing and hoping and dreaming that he would be my proverbial knight in shining armor and come to Flarf and sweep me off my feet and prove to me that he IS the man that I have always been waiting for. In my mind he was laying behind me, curled around protectively, keeping me warm and safe through the night.
And then in the morning wake up to his touch and kisses, to see his face slowly break out into a smile as the first thing that i see when i open my eyes is him.
Yes i'm being utterly sappy and romantic, and probably a bit emo and obsessive, but when the person that you've fallen for is thousands of miles away and it will be hard for either party to travel and see the other... one gets to dreaming and wishing. It hurts, that ache in my heart, my body and my soul, that aching need to be with him on more than just a mental plane of existence.
No comments:
Post a Comment