I Remember

I smell your scent once again,
and i remember.  


I feel your arms around me,
and i remember. 


I hear your gentle tones, 
and i remember.  


I feel so lost without you, 
without your guiding hands.  


Lost without the safely, 
lost without the sanity.  


You provided me with so much, 
so much that i still need.  


I feel your skin, 
and i remember.  


I see your eyes, 
and i remember.  


I feel your hair, 
and i remember.  


Even after all this time,
I still want you.  


Even after all this time, 
I still need you. 


Even after all this time, 
I still crave you.  


By the Gods and Goddesses 
Help me heal this bleeding heart,  


So that someday soon,  
I know i can love again.

Double Teamed - Oh So Good!

Friday December 11, 2009

So last Friday was the first meeting of the Guerrilla Shibari meeting and it was a success by all accounts. Got to meet a bunch of new people and meet Mistress Ingrid face to face (what a powerful beauty) and had a great time all around. Typical me I was very nervous around a bunch of new people, but with Master’s reassuring hand on mine I slowly calmed down and loosened up a bit.

We sat back and watched as Erebus tied up a sub girl and as she was played with by Mistress Ingrid. IT was quite fun as I sat at Master’s feet with my cheek on his thigh and knee, my eyes watching the rigging and Erebus work. Master and I stayed after most of the guests had gone since we had planned to go to Erebus’s house afterwards. We helped pick up the dungeon a little bit even though Mistress Ingrid’s slaves were supposed to do the job.

I handed my keys off to Master as we left, since I’m not very keen on driving at night, no less on the highway to an area that I am not familiar with at all. As we drove Master teased me and tortured me with little pinches and caresses on my breasts and my cunt. There were times when we hit some serious conversation, and when I became emotional, his calming hand lay on my knee and or my hand.

We finally arrived at Erebus’s house and we settled in, getting drinks all around and relaxing, taking a quick tour of his home. That was when I broke out my leather muzzle/mask. When I showed it to Erebus and he sniffed it I swore he would have cum in his pants. But then again the smell of really leather just sends me into my happy place too so I can’t complain too much. =)

I took a seat on his chaise, leaning back and chilling out as we talked, and it took a bit but after a while Erebus mentioned about wanting to play with my tits and he eagerly came over and took them out of their confines, spanking them and watching my face as I reacted. He sat me up after a few minutes and removed my bra and pulled my spaghetti strap tank to my waist and began playing with my breasts in earnest. Finally he got to the good part and just pulled everything off of me so that I laid bare on his chaise, my arms stretched above my head as I watched both Erebus and my Master as they looked at me before they both laid their hands on me and I started to fly, not float, to FLY!

Most of it afterwards is a blur, just a haze of sexual euphoria, but there were some instances where the clouds cleared. The first time was when Erebus started to finger me. He wasn’t gentle or pussy footed about it, he just instantly filled me and went for the sweet spot, teasing me then nearly jack hammering my G-spot until I came, arching my back and screaming as the orgasm ripped through me and I squirted all over the place. Then there were the sweet thuds of Erebus’s flogger as well as Master’s flogger, the combination of leather and rubber a beautiful sensory bouquet on my pale flesh. Finally Master’s bull whip came out and Erebus rained stinging sweet kisses on my chest and stomach, pausing a few times, just waiting for me to open my eyes to look at him and then CRACK goes the whip and the pleasure just radiates from the contact point.

At one point Erebus took a break to answer his phone and talk to one of the girls that had come to the Shibari meeting. He started telling her about what my Master was doing to me and to just tease him I stood up and started to dance, swaying my ass from side to side until he stood and gave me a few good swats on the rump. Erebus invited her over and soon she had arrived, and was greeted with me standing quite naked in the doorway, smiling and waving. She came inside and we all settled down and started talking a bit, though it wasn’t long before Master started playing with me again and getting me to squirt over and over again while Erebus played with the other sub, as well as the pair of them watching me writhe moan and scream.

Erebus at one point told me to go across the living room to where he and the other sub were sprawled out on the couch and to play with the other girl. Being the brat that I am, I instead went across to straddle his lap and stick my tits in his face which he eagerly started playing with while she caressed my ass, my hip and thigh grinding into her cunt. Then I turned to her and started kissing her gently, my fingers arched so that my nails trailed over her skin. Then I gave into my urge and pulled her head to the side and started to bite her neck, all the while Erebus was playing with my cunt as well as hers and soon she was shaking, ready to cum again and again.

Erebus then directed me to lick her cunt, and I lowered my head to her cunt, licking softly tasting her and then drawing her whole engorged clit into my mouth and began sucking even as one of them went to work at her mouth and breasts. She shook as she came and I lifted my head to smile at my Master who was watching me intently. Then as I lay back, she kneeled between my legs to lick at my pussy before my Master sat down and went to work on my clit again.

And you want to talk about firsts? As I came, my scream of pleasure and release melted into a full blown HOWL!! Not some pussy ass kids “Awwooo” sort of deal,a full on, full throated howl. That was a first and felt so good. We all had a good laugh at that, but I knew that Rose had been satisfied a bit.

Ranting

I am an alpha wolf/Lupa that just may have found my counterpart, and yet he is a lone, transient wolf that is unsettled as to where to den, and who his mate is.  

He tells me that he has not felt the call of an alpha as powerful as mine, and yet he tells me that this other chick calls to his human side, and just might call to his wolf as well.  

I have sat back on my haunches and been his steadfast friend for well over 10 years, and my wolf is beginning to get frustrated, as am I.  

How can you tell us that you haven't felt a call as strong as hers, and yet chase the tail of another possible wolf? He doesn't even know if there is even a wolf INSIDE of this chick, and yet he's flying all the way to NY to live with her etc.  


*huffs and paws face* I have never had a dom/alpha bite me once and have his power wash over me and have me baring my belly so fast. 

Normally there is the chase and 'fight' which is fun in its own right dont get me wrong, but when you feel that connection with another wolf, and the opposite feels the same... what is there to fight against? Why go chasing another spirit tail when one is already there wagging at the entrance to a warm den and a happy and willing mate.  


I know some people may say that I should go sniffing for another male as strong as he is, but when you feel that the companion is staring at you with green gold eyes, why should you?

/rant

SIT ON NAUGHTY SANTA'S LAP

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The Wolf Within - Part 4

She lays naked on the floor, her pussy wet and drenched with her arousal, the wolf pacing besides her as her human counterpart rubbed her legs together. Rose felt alive and new and aware all at the same time. Her body undulated as a memory hit her and she threw herself back into her mind, the wolfess following behind.




They met at a local pool hall, Edward trying to see if he could find a job since he had heard the hall was looking for people. His mother and step-father were along as they were members of the APA (American Pool Association) and it was the night for their meeting and matches. Rose didn’t play pool and so she sat back to watch Edward play as he was waiting for the owner to come out of his office.

She enjoyed watching him, his body move, and his face as he concentrated. She had always been a very visual person, and left herself at a perch where she could easily watch him, the wolfess sitting in her lower back, the fur rubbing along her spine. As the night waned she would call out smart aleck remarks and jabs, earning looks or the flip of a particular finger, and Rose would grimace back at him or throw her head back in a laugh.

Soon she began to feel antsy and felt her shoulders curling forward and her back arching, a stray snarl or huff escaping her lips as they waited. Edward looked at her once and gave her a wry smile.

”Getting uncomfortable are we?”

Rose looked up at him and stuck her tongue out at him. “She’s sitting right here,” and she indicated where her wolfess was with a single finger down his spine, half tempted to dig in with her nail, but for once behaved. “And it doesn’t help that we’re BOTH getting antsy.” Edward nodded.

”He’s been sitting there as soon as the moon hit the horizon,” Edward replied roughly, shifting slightly.

Finally after a few more games, Edward was finally run off the table and they made their escape to Rose’s car and back to his place.
Once there they greeted his sisters and got a drink, Rose sipping some water and Edward downing some juice. With a wicked grin Rose walked up beside Edward and snaked her hand underneath his shirt, trailing her nails down his back and over one hip, chuckling darkly as his sharp intake of breath.

”That’s fucked up, especially when you won’t follow through,”

Rose chuckled again. “Who said I wasn’t going to?” She asked softly, meeting his gaze and smiling slowly around the rim of her glass. He glared at her and walked into the office that doubled as his room while he was there. He invited her in and she sat down on the computer chair, watching him as he changed his shirt, though Rose was sorely tempted to stand and help him out of it. Rose had always had a weakness for button down shirts, and his shirt was no exception.

After he had changed his shirt he sat down on the edge of the pull out bed, grumbling about how his back and neck hurt. Rose stood and laid her hands on his neck, her thumbs and fingers digging into the flesh of his neck and shoulders, finding small knots and working on them. One instant when she had the chance she pushed his shirt back and bit him gently, eliciting a hissing breath from Edward. She looked down at his hands once, and saw that his knuckles were white. With a chuckle she asked him what was wrong and in a growl he replied that it was very hard for him to maintain his control. Rose nearly purred as she stopped rubbing his neck and knelt at his feet, looking up at him.

She tilted her head to the side and could feel her wolf rising, and knew that he could feel it to, could see it as his eyes darkened and narrowed as she went to her knees and whispered in his ear before nipping it gently, her breath blowing softly over his flesh. He growled out that they defiantly needed to take a walk, and with a sway to her hips Rose walked to her car to get her sneakers that she had packed just in case and put them on, pocketing her keys and cell phone and walked ahead of him out the front door.

They talked as they walked to the park, the light of the full moon the dominant light source as they made their way to a nearby park. They talked and explored before Edward made his way to the highest point on the playground, and sprawled out to wait for Rose to join him. Which she did slowly, before sprawling out next to him, her head cocked so she could look up at him.

They proceeded to kiss and explore, Rose being very brazen and breathing on his neck, and Edward growled at her. ”You know that when you breathe on an alpha’s neck he gets VERY territorial?” Rose smiled.

“Oh do they now?” She asked as she breathed on his neck again. With a growl Edward fisted his hand in her hair, his mouth hovering over her exposed neck. His voice dropped dangerously low and growling as he replied.

”YES they do,” and with that his head shot down and his mouth closed over her neck and windpipe, a classic wolf submission bite. Rose gasped and arched her back, her eyes widening before closing as she sank into the feeling, one of his arms snaking around her back to support her, his free hand slipping under her shirt and kneading at her soft flesh.

“Oh gods,” Rose whispered as she caught her breath. “After all this time, I can’t believe this is what I’ve been missing.”

Edward chuckled. ”Maybe you haven’t, but SHE has. She’s always known that He’s been right here,” And with that his hand slipped under her waistband and rested just above the mound of her pulsing sex. Rose gasped and arched as his hand delved lower and over her sacred mound, his fingers pressing past her folds and centered on her nub. The contact alone had Rose suppressing a shout of triumph, and she writhed as he began to circle it with the pad of his finger before he slipped another finger inside of her, her body clenching as he teased her. She threw her head back as she came slightly, her juices flowing out of her and onto his hand.

When she came back to herself she looked up at him and smiled as he chuckled, telling her he was nowhere near done with her yet. He goaded her, telling her to let go, to show him her wolf fully. She stood and removed her sweater, raising her head into the light of the full moon, basking in the glow of Luna’s silver kiss. How she wanted to be fully naked in her skin under the Glow of the full moon, but the only touch she was going to get was that brief taste before she turned to Edward and removed the latch on her belt, slipping it down to reveal the swell of her ass, taunting Edward with the prospect of having her in her furs and wagging her tail for him.

He growled at her and pulled her down onto his lap, his swollen prick sinking into her wetness and one hand slipping around Rose’s front to play with her sensitive nub again, which sent her into a frenzy of twitches and moans. Silently she shifted and waggled her ass as she got onto all fours, sighing as he slipped inside of her from behind.

She tried to raise herself up, but Edward growled into her ear ”Who said that you could get up?” and forced her head back down, even as she snarled.

The suddenly he froze and cursed. A pig had spotted them and they had to leave before they were caught. Quickly they dressed and adjusted themselves and power walked out of the park, laughing at the close call. Once at his house they leaned on her car and she rubbed her cheeks along his jaw line, scent marking him as well as liking the stubble on his cheeks.

With a final kiss they went inside so that she could collect her things and say goodbye to his mother.





Once home Rose had stripped down to nothing and spread out her quilt so that she could text Edward as her phone charged, the twinges of the memory making her wetter and wetter, her free hand slipping down to her core and she groaned inwardly at her heat and level of arousal. With a final text she slipped naked into bed, neither she nor her wolf wanting any other skins on them. It felt perfect and right to lay in bed naked and free without any restrictions.

The Wolf Within - Summary of Past Posts in my LJ

The Wolf Within - Part 1

A woman sits encircled by candles, a bowl of incense, The silent smoke curling upwards, her rhythmic breathing taking the scent deep into her lungs as she cleared her mind. She called silently to the beast that dwelt within her, the she-wolf. She could feel the black furred form lift her head at her call, her ice blue eyes startling against her dark fur. She padded out on silent paws, her ears perked forward, tail neutral.

They never truly got along, the woman and her wolf, and it was time to come to an understanding, of sorts.

With a lunge, the wolf materialized into the circle of candles, sitting in front of the woman, her head cocked to one side. It's about time. The woman smiled at the feeling inside her head, which translated into words.

"Well you left me no choice after you ran like that. Didn't really give me time to fully come into my mind again." The wolf huffed, her tail tocking.

What was I supposed to do? He wasn't what I needed. With a wolf snort she laid down. At least not what we thought I would need.

"You know Bara's back in town right?" The woman knew that that would catch the wolfess's interests.

Her ears perked forward again, her tail lifting in interest, the feeling of curiosity mixed with mostly suppressed excitement. There were no need for words to be formed, for both aspects were happy to know that a dear and old friend was slightly back in the mural of their lives. The wolf only had met glimpses of the wolf that lived inside of the human counterpart that was the woman's old friend.

"Would you promise me one thing?" The woman asked, watching the wolf's expressive body language intently. The she wolf shifted and licked her chops, her fur shivering as she shivered away a nonexistent bug. Taking that as an acquiescence to at least try, the woman presses onwards. "Try to behave at least as best you can until he can help us."

The wolfess gave a lupine shrug. She wasn't going to promise anything, and the woman knew that that was the best that she could get out of her, at least right now. The woman opened her arms, an invitation and acceptance. The she-wolf stood and walked over to face the woman, the scent of forest, fall and fresh turned earth filling the woman's nose before the wolf seemed to walk through her, back into the den where she stayed.

The Wolf Within - Part 2

It would be at least another month before the woman could meet her old friend. The she wolf would pace inside her as they talked, wandering as close to the surface as the woman allowed her. She sent her reactions to the woman, and normally she would laugh and relay those reactions to him.

Rose, for that was the woman’s name, was thrilled to be speaking to her old friend Edward again, as he had been one of her first good friends in middle school. Granted, he had his faults; the primary one being that he tended to be a pathological liar. But it was something that she was used to coming from him; she didn’t particularly like it, but she was used to it. They would chat, text, and instant message back and forth, laughing, reminiscing and sending pithy comments back and forth over the lines.

One thing she seriously doubted about him was whether he would truly make an effort to come and visit her when he came down for the holiday. Though he swore up and down that he would make the effort, she was already preparing herself for getting hurt. She also felt at times that he was more interested in helping to ‘tame’ her unruly wolf than reconnecting. But a small part of her reminded her that she still wished for some sort of completion of what had happened that one night in high school; the night that she sat astride his lap after a song and kissed him, the thrill of victory singing through her veins. A half smile spreads across her visage as she recalled it, a sly look in her eyes.



Perhaps there could be a completion of that scenario, or perhaps things would not progress at all. Only Fate knows the web She weaves.

The Wolf Within - Part 3

Again Rose sits, her eyes closed and breathing calm as she called her wolf forth. It was easy this time, as she was prowling close to the surface, her tail thrashing and ears twitching. Rose wrinkled her brown and shifted in discomfort before feeling the she wolf emerge.

Opening her eyes Rose half glared at the wolf pacing in front of her. "That wasn't nice you know."

The wolf looked at her and shook her head, giving a half snarl, half huff. 'What was I supposed to do?'

Rose snorted, "Like YOU were the only entity that wanted more, wanted to take."

Rose was referring of course to the events that had transpired previously. Finally their friend Edward had come home and Rose had gone to visit him after she had gotten out of work, the she wolf wagging her tail excitedly all the way. Once there the excitement felt in the twin hearts beat in tune, giving a heartfelt greeting and hugs. As the night progressed the she wolf kept urging Rose to stand from the bench she was sitting on and walk through the smoke of his cigarette and take what she wanted, especially after he bared his stomach at her.

Rose felt her eyes go feral and her closed hand could not hide the smile that crept along her face, and Edward remarked to her, "Don't look at me as if I'm food. I'm the one that eats the kill."

A chuckle rose from her throat "You think so huh?"

"Oh no I don't think, I KNOW so."

Rose laughed and dared Edward to prove it. Though he wished he could, the presence of his family presented an issue that was hard to work around.

By then end of the night the she wolf was restless and close to the surface, and as Rose hugged Edward goodbye, the she wolf took over and snarled at him, a few times. Edward laughed and warned them both multiple times that being a tease to him and Bara would end up in something that Rose and she would regret later. The wolf did not care and snarl huffed at him twice more. With a wry smile Edward looked at her and said, "You asked for it," and promptly fisted his hand in her hair and clenched his jaw on her neck and windpipe.

Rose felt like she was flying and inside the she wolf howled in pleasure, the mixture of pain and pleasure and the placement of the bite nearly sending them both into subspace. Rose had no doubt that Edward could feel and hear their want through the way she arched into him. Rose's eyes fluttered as he lifted his head and they both grinned.

After exchanging a few pleasantries, Rose took her leave, promising to come back to hang out again soon. The wolf still paced in her, her tail thrashing and frustration emanating from every fiber. She wanted more, wanted to see Bara fully, hear his growls and snarls, and feel the sharpness of his teeth in their flesh once more.

"Soon enough," Rose replied to those feelings, even as she could feel things inside of her tighten. "Soon enough we will meet the true Bara."

Only slightly contented the she wolf returned gently back into Rose, staying near the surface, just in case.

Fetish Night @ Purgatory 11-14-2009

So Saturday I went with Master to the Fetish Party at Purgatory and we had a blast. I wore my black and white mini skirt, gartered thigh high hose, my black and pink bra and panty set, and a black vest that I put on to cover up my belly since I don’t like the pudgy tummeh (grumbles and prods jiggle belly). Didn’t do much with my hair and makeup this time around, left my lips bare so that Master could kiss me. I wore my collar and took my leash along this time so that Master could lead me around properly. I carried His flogger with me as we got to the club. Once inside we wandered around a bit, checking out the play areas, the dance floor and checking to see if anyone we knew was there.  


We wandered out back and were met by two fellow members of Fetlife (Deiter and Erebus) and we stood about and chatted for a bit before breaking off, my Master and I hanging out outside for a little bit more, taking in the cool night air. Eventually we went back inside and danced, his hold on my leash letting me know whether he wanted me close or whether he wanted me in a grande plie, before I bobbed back up. 


We danced through a few songs before wandering around the club again, the fog from the machine and cigarette smoke permeating the air and clouding our vision slightly. We headed into a side corner where the larger play area was and it was there that we found Deiter and Erebus there, Dieter playing with his companion on the table and Erebus in the crowd watching him play. Then Erebus decided that it was time to get me ready. He has asked permission from my Master the night before if he could rig me up in a hog-tie idea that he had thought up and had gotten cleared to do it. While Deiter wound down Erebus started rigging me up, eventually putting me face down on the couch that was in the area, slipping a rope gag into my mouth and trussing me up so that all the movement I was able to do was bob my head up and down, wiggle my ass and kick slightly (though that tugged on my head since my gag was attached to my ankles).






Above is the full rigging as photographed by Erebus. He allowed me a few minutes to relax into the bonds, get used to the pull and tug of each movement. Honestly I also felt a strong sense of comfort by being bound in that way, though the gag pulled at my lower lip.

 

After I was allowed to get used to my bounds My Master, he pulled out His crop and spoke to me, asking me if I wanted Him to use his crop on me. I nodded whole heartedly, loving the sting of his crop.

 I floated through most of the session. I was spanked, cropped and Erebus even took out his flogger or used my Master’s flogger to flog my ass. There was one time when a Lady asked my Master’s Permission if She may spank me. He granted it and she proceeded to kneel and spank me and used Her nails on my ass, arm and back. The first scratch was testing and when I raised my head in pleasure She scratched me more. I think it was then when I started floating into subspace. 

I wiggled, thrashed and squealed through the gag if a particularly hard blow hit me, and as punishment the main line was lifted so that my head was pulled back sharply and a harder blow was struck. Finally the play was stopped, whether by my Master or Erebus but Erebus knelt down by my head again and told me that he was going to untie me. I gave a small not in assent and slowly I was unbound, spitting out the gag when I found that I had the chance. Erebus asked me if I had had a good time and I gave him a happy smile and told him that I really truly did. I was worried at the time that it was later than it was, even though it was only 1:30 in the morning; guess that’s what happens when you hit subspace huh? 

 We went and got a drink later, only getting water for me since the rope had dried out my mouth. After we danced a bit we headed back over to the couch where I had been bound and relaxed. Erebus came back and requested that he would be allowed to flog me. Coolly my Master handed over my leash and with a rough tug Erebus put me on my feet, giving me a wry smile and telling me he was a little bit more aggressive than Master. I replied that I did not mind in the least and he bent me over the couch, lifted my little skirt and began to flog me. 

 A smile slowly began spreading across my lips, even though there were a few particular thwacks that had me arching my bag in pain. He nudged my legs farther apart so a few hits got me square on my pussy and it made me even more hot and bothered. After a few moments he turned me onto my back and started flogging my front, though one blow landed too hard on my ribs and had me near tears. But between my Master’s soothing words and Erebus’s calming touches and apology I was back into the scene and writhing and arching in pleasure.

When the party broke up, we headed back to my Master’s place. He teased me the whole way home, bringing me close to orgasm but never letting me reach it until we went up to His room and I pleaded with Him to let me suck His cock. He let me and then also bent me over the side of His bed and fucked me, delving deep into my core. Despite my need to want to stay until He came, I regretfully had to leave to get home at a decent time so that I could have a few hours sleep before I had to go to work at 11 am. 

 All in all it was an amazing night and I plan whole heartedly to go to the next one in December, and this time I’m taking the whole weekend off so that I could sleep longer than just a few hours.

Contemplations From Master's Feet

It has been a month since I started exploring this lifestyle, and already I feel like this just might be where I am supposed to be. Whether i will stay with the current Dom, I do not know.  I know He is very kind and has already become a dear friend to me, and is a gentle Teacher and Master (when He wants to be).

"One must lose control to be in control"

Or so one Mistress said in an Episode of House, cant recall the original phrase but it is close enough i think to make my point.  I have found that by relinquishing control to my Master that I come out of a scene more at peace and centered mentally and emotionally than any other 'vanilla' play.

There is/will be more to this.. but it has been a long day and this switch needs her sleep.

Finally, A Light In The Darkness

Finally there is a light in the darkness that has been my world
I have cried, screamed, sobbed, shivered, and raged and everything in-between for the past two weeks, thoughts of "what if?" and regrets running through my head at every opportunity.

When Xel and I first split, I went home and let loose the guttural wails and screams and cries, physical indications of a large piece of my heart, soul, and mind dying away slowly and painfully. My mother and sister comforted me that night, staying close to me until I calmed and drifted towards a dreamless sleep. For the next two weeks I worked in a fog, falling prey to moments of pure pain, holding sobs back behind my fist, my eyes screwed shut, though the tears came anyway. Most did not mention anything to me; even though I have a feeling many saw the change in me. It was a roller coaster for what felt like ever, ups and downs and then… the rage set in.

The fiery rage, just anger in general, burned in me for one day last week, broken only by fits of sorrow. I was lucky those two weeks that the non entity did not instigate anything, because I know for certain that I would have lost what little control I had left.

I worked hard this past weekend, 11-8 both Saturday and Sunday, and Woke up Monday calmer than I had been for days. Tuesday was a better day, and as I had told my therapist, I was feeling more centered and calm.

This does NOT implicate in any way shape or form that I am ready to start dating again, VERY far from it, because though I may be calm now, for all I know tomorrow will be another low day, filled with tears and despair for a true love now lost to me. But each day I feel myself grow a little bit stronger. And maybe one day I will be able to bring myself to look at the pictures of us together without crying, and only smile fondly at the wonderful memories we made together. But until that day, the scrapbook will stay closed, the photos will remain unseen by my eyes, and I will become happy again.

Perhaps not as happy as I was in his arms,
but happy enough that I will be able to move on properly.

My Master Is Very Sweet To Me

So I went to be with my Master last night, and I had to wait for Him because He was working on a troublesome car that dint want to behave properly. So i waited patiently, finishing my book that I had in my purse, my hand idlely playing with the tag on my collar.

Yes i was a cheeky little miss and wore my collar into his work, tag and all.  Wanted to please Him as well as see what kind of reactions that i might elicit at wearing such a thing in a public 'vanilla' venue.  Reactions were nil but I know that He was pleased with me for wearing it.

I followed him back to his place, going ahead since he needed to get gas, saying hello to his room mate and playing with his pug for a while while the demon she-bitch dog growled and barked at me. I went to His room and play with His cat as we waited for him.  I probably should have gotten presentable for him, but i was distracted with his kitty.

When He got home and into his room i sat like a good little girl and waited for him to tell me what He wanted me to do. We kissed and i played with His cock, rubbing it and caressing it, pressing my fingers into the bundle of nerves just at the base.  He drew me to him by my collar, my tag jingling in the metal ring.  One hand played down my back to my skirt, lifting it and caressing the flesh of my ass, a finger slipping under my grey cotton thong to play at my tight ass hole.  Almost instantly I relaxed and let him explore, having him never really play with my anus alone before. It was interesting, kissing him and having his finger play with my tight little ass hole.

Slowly I relaxed, and he was able to fit his fingertip into my anus and gently finger me there, letting me get used to the idea. As my passions rose, so did the tempo of his fingering. I was on a haze of feeling as he teased me allowing the sensation to be introduced to me as slowly as i would allow.  Soon I was gasping softly against his mouth, small waves of feeling rising up and crashing down over me. After a few more moments he rose up and made me suck him, teasing me and testing my remembrance of what he liked (lips, kisses, licks and sucking of his cock, in that order). Even better I can take more into my mouth, and let his head rest just before the entrance to my throat before i feel the gag reflex kick in. He was very pleased with that.

I suckled him close to cumming as well but I stopped just before, because he forced me back, ordering me to stand up and take off my thong and lifted my skirt even as he ripped my black sweater from my shoulders.  He pushed me down on the bed, my skirt lifted and my sex exposed. With a snarl he took me fast and hard, his growls and grunts thrilling me as his long hair fell around us.  Was a quick encounter, but enough to sate us for now, and after he had rolled off of me, I sat up and removed my dress and bra, gently caressing his bare skin and rubbing his hands and forearms at his request.

Though there was one moment when my thoughts turned from my Master to Xel, and slowly i feel into despair and my arms went around me, my head dipping into my shoulder and the shuddering sobs and tears flowed.  With a soothing tone my Master took me into his arms and caressed my back and my hair, kissing my eyes and my forehead, whispering soothing words as my back bowed whenever i suppressed a particularly hard sob.  I told him of my fears and regrets, and he soothed them with gentle words, kisses and caresses.

I wont tell all of the conversation, just sufficed to say that he calmed me enough to be coherent again and able to function.

He also rubbed my back a bit and did some cupping on my back while we watched TV.  finally it was time for me to leave, though i still wanted cuddles and snuggles from him, just for comfort and security.

I still have my doubts about myself , still have the regrets.  but with my Master by my side, both as my Master and my friend, as well as the rest of my friends and family, I will eventually get through this.

Please Someone Save Me

I have lost the one that I hoped would return to me. Gods above help me through this pain as my chalice turns to dust and my heart breaks and bleeds from millions upon millions of cracks.

 

If that were true then why the FUCK am i sitting her suppressing wails and screams of despair !?

FUCKING EXPLAIN THAT TO ME GODDAMNIT!

The Chalice Is Shattered

This past weekend sucked. My chalice has shattered, and now I alone am forced to pick up the pieces and try to fit it back together again.





Xel and I are no more, and the pain of it has me in tears or wanting to cry constantly. even as i sit here hunched over my desk, furtively wiping away tears that leak from my eyes. I try to wear my mask, but most people see past it. Maybe its my weak tone, or the sadness in my eyes, or the defeat in my face, but they see it. Some ask me about it, other leave me alone. I have been offered support from quite a few people here at the office, even gotten hugs as well as scritches from some of them.

Last night my howls and screams of grief brought my mother and my sister into my room, my mother caressing my back and my sister petting my head, not saying a word, offering me the silent comfort that i need. I had held it in as best I could all afternoon/evening, but i began to break as I said goodbye to him, the tears streaming down my face as I kissed him desperately, wanting to prolong the inevitable. I didn't want him to let go, didn't want to lose the feeling of his arms around me, his mouth, his body, the hollow of his shoulder where my head fit perfectly. And yet as he drove away, my heart broke even more.

I retreated to the bathroom, because I needed to shower and hide from the questions my mother was asking me. It was there when i started to break, my shoulders heaving with suppressed sobs as the tears rolling down my cheeks mingled with the water on my face. After my shower i was able to hold it together for a little bit, logging onto AIM so that Xel and i could talk after her got him, since we still want to talk to each other. When he did get on, we chatted and talked a bit, then after he said something the floodgates opened up, as well as my lungs. I let loose, my cries resounding in my room, wails and screams reverberating off my walls and filtering through my closed door, no doubt.




After I had calmed and snuggled my wolf plushie under my flannel blanket, my mother and sister told me good night and I fell asleep, waking up at about 1 am, before going back to sleep and tossing and turning through turbulent dreams that i upon waking i couldn't remember. I ache inside, feel so hollow, and yet i cant stop crying, cant stop thinking about him, his face, his touch, his kiss...

I have to suppress everything while i'm at work, but all i want to do is go home and curl up under my covers with my wolf and cry until i fall asleep. I hurt so badly, I just want to scream and wail and dry until my voice is gone and there is nothing left. but even though there is nothing left, the memory of him will still be with me.

Xel, My love my light, my everything....



And I will NEVER forget what we had together, and I will be here when you need me.

This Past Kink-ish Weekend With My Man (NSFW PHOTOS)

So this past weekend my BF and I took a mini vacation 'away from it all' even though we stayed in the Boca area.  I ended up giving in to my urge to get the heck out of the office early, so at five o'clock i busted my ass out of the office, my excitement mounting as I got to my car and drove to pick up my BF.

Of course the smart ass had to "punish" me for leaving work early, so we went down Powerline Rd to browse the Adult Warehouse.  It was fun looking at some of novelty things, as well as the kinky items.  Eventually he bought a Japanese Silk Rope 'kit' of sorts and then we headed to dinner as we both were pretty hungry.

We hit up a great restaurant called Stir Crazy, and sat and ate there, being like the silly love birds that we are.  There was some serious discussion mixed in as well, but for the most part it was a quiet dinner together.

Finally we headed to the hotel.  It was a beautiful room, with a king sized bed, that was so fluffy and soft and warm.

(image taken from Renaissance Marriott Boca Website)

We settled in, and the Dominant side of my man came out.  He ordered me around, used me and 'abused' me so wonderfully. He fucked me, spanked me, made me cum again and again.  The dark passion and power in his face and eyes was enthralling and arousing.  I am easily affected by that expression, and I am eager to kneel at his feet to be privileged to see that look.

Afterwards he switch roles and put on his collar like a good puppy and i lead him to the couch and made him lick me till i came twice all over his face.  Being the good mistress that I am I cleaned up his face with a cool cloth and lead him back to the bed to give him his reward, which he thoroughly enjoyed as he likes having his cock sucked and blown almost as much as i love doing it.

Then there was the 'challenge' of sorts that I issued him.  He knows i have a inner wolf, and i wanted to find his beast.  God was that a thrilling bout of wrestling and grappling.  One part that I remember was that in an act of defiance i actually spit in his face.  The black cloud that went over his face was insane, and with a snarl he spit on my face and rubbed it all over so that my skin was covered in his spit.  It was thrilling, dont know why i liked it but i did.  Granted i wont do it every time, but in that moment it seemed to do the trick.

Everything was going fine until my wolf left me.  I was bent over onto the bed, his hand was in my hair and the other was binding my wrists behind my back.  Maybe it was him constantly shoving my face into the mattress that did it, or something else but she left me and didn't give me time to recover and suddenly i crashed. I slipped to the floor shaking and crying, the feeling of loss and emptiness filling my mind.  I couldn't feel my wolf at all and that scared me as well.

As a result my BF and I ended up cuddling on the bed, myself curled up in a ball and him spooning behind me, kissing and nuzzling my neck and back.  We talked and snuggled some more.  After a while we made love, and the passion and desire was in his eyes again.

Then the fun stuff was the next night.  He put pillows on the couch and bent me over the pillows, taking me from behind and making me squirt and cum over and over again, just the way I like.

Afterwards he spanked me and took pictures of me hanging out and recovering from the pounding that I got.

Needless to say they will have to get that couch professionally cleaned. =)

Such a good spanking.  I was sore for a few days after that. Had to sit on my thighs so that my ass wouldnt hurt.

Oh well, was a great weekend, and I cant wait to spend another with him.

Anal Play (backdated from Aug 2, 2009

So Jose and I have agreed to start a little more anal play into our kink.

He being the less inhibited one, has already started playing with the small vibe that we got with a previous purchase from Adam & Eve and he enjoys it, but wants a stronger vibration.

I on the other hand have not had ANY anal play at all except for a few minutes of prodding, but no other stimulation so that may be part of the reason why i wasn't to turned on, but we hope that perhaps a new toy may add a little more fun into it, as well as integrating some other stimulation from Jose.

So My Mother Figured It Out

Or at least part of it.  Came up when she asked me about a post regarding a fetish party this coming Saturday on FB, and in regards to my profile picture on the same site.

So between that and wearing my collar, she put a few small details together and asked me about it through FBchat.  i told her that this was the lifestyle that i chose to live and that although she does not understand it.. she has toaccept it. she doesnt understand the ramifications.. i told her that yes this is where my "master" comes into play but all that she needs to know he is teaching me what i want to learn and is also a great guy to hang out with and that is all she needs to know.

Though I have given her the choice/option to learn more and try to understand.

"Mom,

I know that the small discussion that we had this morning will and probably is worrying you, but let me assure you that what I have chosen to do is of my own volition, and J is into it with me and we support each other.  He and I are in this exploration together, and we are both seeking mentors that will help teach us what we need to know. I am not asking you to fully understand why I’m doing this; all I ask is that you accept me for who I have become.

The people in the lifestyle are as ‘normal’ as you, and how those in the BDSM lifestyle live IS considered ‘normal’ to them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM

The above link is something that I would advise you to read, just so that you can understand the general dynamic of it.  I do what I do by my own free choice and free will. You don’t have to read it, but I hope that you do just to maybe understand a little bit more, and accept me for who I am.

I’m still your daughter Mom; I’m still me, that hasn’t changed in any way.  Just the dynamics of how I live my life and have a social life have changed a little. 

I understand that you don’t want talk about it in the house, and I promise you I won’t.

If you want to talk about it, we can, if not, I understand as well.

Love You Mom,

Me"

Some of my readers may not agree with how i worded it, or how i opened the discussion field, but it is how it is.

At least now she wont be sitting home and wondering what i'm getting myself into. I know i'm in a safe environment, so that is all that matters to me.

Three Mind Blowing Rounds

Two words... HOLY FUCK.... *drools*

Ehehe, if that doesnt explain how I felt, NOTHING will.

(IDK honestly, just felt like it *shrug*)

Okay so I get my package yesterday with my collar and my leash (insert stupid grin here) and I instantly tell Master via text that it had arrived; even though I knew he wouldn't be able to respond back to me he'd know that I had it. It smelled so good, since it was from Leather Etc. and I LOVE the scent of real leather. I got SO impatient after that, just wanted to get out of work and go to my Master and show off my pretty collar and leash to Him.

Although I think that may have been a bad idea to tell Him because as soon as He got online he started telling me how crazy horny He was and how much He wanted me at His place NOW... not after work, He wanted me NOW. Ehehe.... which was pretty satisfying knowing that I caused that intense want (I have low self esteem), so I just kept teasing him. Told Him that I would be nice and try to get out early, and I did, sort of.

Went straight to his place, or at least tried to before getting horribly lost, but He came to fetch me and showed me where to go. I always need a few tries to get to where I need to go (and no the pun was not intended). But anyways, we got there and went up to His room after He had gotten a drink and it was all crazy from there.

I showed him the 'trick' that I love to do with soft cocks. I sucked His soft cock hard, just so that He could feel my whole mouth on him. He's going to try to teach me to deep throat, since its something that I want to do for my man, but my man is much thicker than Master is. Hopefully He will be able to teach me what I need to learn. I'm such an eager cock slut that it's not funny.

But that's not the best part, or in this case, best parts!

He blindfolded me, bound my wrists behind my back, and made me follow Him around his room with His cock in my mouth, tugging on my leash if I didn't keep up. I only 'lost' it once, which probably cant be said for most who first expreience having to be on one's knees, with their Master/Mistress's cock in one's mouth and then follow them around the room until He/She says 'Enough'.

By that time my shirt had come off, and I was just in my bra and short pencil skirt and heels. He stands me up... bends me over the bed, lifts my skirt up over my ass, tugs my lavender boy short undies down to my knees and goes in, hard, fast and deep. His hands pulled at the wrist cuffs, and he just took me for all I was worth. I was screaming and cumming and screaming all over again. There was a few times when He pulled my hands to His body, and to just expel and show Master how good I felt, I scratched and dug my nails into his stomach (or at least as best as I could while in wrist cuffs). It was even easier when He lay atop me and slammed into me, my nails just automatically dug in and held on. By that time He and I were both crazed, growled profanities and 'insults' from Him, screams, moans, cries and growls from me.

The second 'round' began with Him teasing me, fingering me and rubbing my G-spot until I came, and came, and came. I hadn't cum that hard in a long time, just the force of the orgasm and the amount of girl cum that squirted out of me was mind blowing; and left me dry mouthed. He had me ride him, front and reverse cowgirl; the reverse cowgirl so that he could deliver stinging blows to my ass cheeks.

But the third time was the BEST by far.

Consider the above image, minus the third male in the background. Now flip the chick on her back, close her legs with him still in her and then have him go at it. HOLY FUCKING GOD IN HEAVEN! You want to talk about something crazy and new to me? That was it. To have His cock in me like that, just pounding away and have what was NOT in my body rubbing against my clit, I couldn't think past "oh my effing jesus this is amazing!'' , and then even after that I could barely talk/think past the fuzz in my head. Just laid there, panting next to Master, barely able to move. Was VERY close to falling asleep right then and there. But I didn't. Instead Master was the one who got the relaxing aftercare massage, and he was so relaxed/tired/worn out from all the play that he fell asleep.

But I woke him and we showered, with me helping him wash his LOOONG hair, as well as brushing it and pulling it back. We looked at a few pics to see what he wanted to have printed and sent to one of his friends, then I had to go back home because it was uber later than when i should have left.

It's So Pretty!

It looks so small and innocent doesn't it?  A plain white box, fits easily on my lap, signed for it with a smile to my UPS delivery guy and after logging it into the received packages log i have here at work, I eagerly set to work opening it up and inspecting its contents.

I smiled with glee when I saw it, so shiny and pretty like.  Smelling of leather and fun, thrilling me to the core.  I cant wait to put it on and let my Master use me and control me (or at least try to) while i wear it.  He told me that He wants me to wear it when i arrive at His places today, so along with the make-up that I'm going to put on, that will be the one main accessory.

He wants to take pictures of me, and have me take some pictures of Him as well, though the ones that I can use will all depend on what He says that I can post, though i will deffo keep the lot of them for my personal pleasure/portfolio.  Maybe I can have fun being a fetish model, though i'm not the ideal form of a model.

I'm too short and sure as hell too heavy for 'normal' modeling, so I'll probably be sub-par for fetish modeling as well.

Oh well, will post pics once Master sends them my way.

Excited For Tomorrow

Well I'm excited for a few reasons tonight, tomorrow I get my collar and leash, and tomorrow Master will be taking pretty photos of me and my collar.

I've gotten a few ideas from him as well as my own so I'll have plenty to share with my lovely readers once the time is right.  I've put Photoshop CS2 on my computer, so I can play with the photos at will and make them even better.I've got a few ideas, but it depends on the content of the photos what I may or may not do.

Master told me that He doesn't really like photo enhancements but I will send the photos to Him first to see what He thinks.



*wiggles* So excited, watch this spot for more fun stuff