It's been hard to really post because well... there isn't really much going on in my life kink wise. I actually started talking to a member of collarme.com of all sites and so far the talking is good, but that's all it is at the moment is talk and IM's and emails back and forth. Haven't met face to face, though both of us are interested... its just a matter of finding a happy medium and where to meet.
Just a matter of time i guess. ~le shrug~ who knows.
I've had a lot of people tell me to just stop looking, and the right person will come into my life at the right time. But it's like telling a hamster to stop running in its wheel... really hard to do, if successful at all. I want to stop "running", i want to let it all slow down and let Him come to me, but at the same time i don't want to wait.
One friend told me her theory of the fact that i'm trying to find someone to replace my father and fill the void he's caused in my heart and my life; maybe that's true, maybe not.. i really don't know. All i know is that even though i should lean on my mother and sister for support and have them help me heal... how can someone who is also broken help me pick up the pieces of my shattered heart when theirs isn't mended in the first place. We're all so stubborn, don't want to relinquish control, don't want to seem weak in front of the other. Though i know at night, behind our respective doors, there are nights when we three cry ourselves to sleep; like i did last night.
My heart cried out to the Cosmos, breaking and screaming, pleading for someone to come and help me, to heal me. I don't know how it needs to be done, all i know is that i just need to be whole again.
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