A New Year.... And My Hopes

Because sometimes, its all one has to be able to go on.

If that's not a warning that things may get a bit emo and depressive...

you're an idiot.

There is so much that i hope for this year; proving not only to my boss but to myself that I'm a damned good receptionist, and that i can be hired on full time instead of turning this year into another year that I'll be contracted out to The Company.  I hope to utterly and completely NAIL my first solo in April, and prove to myself that i can move forward, and perform on my own.  I hope to be able to find someone that gives me the peace that i need to be able to get through another year.  I've had so many people tell me that my expectations are not that high, that i will be able to find someone.  It's just so hard to sit and wait.

I need to calm the maelstrom that is my Centre, my Chakra, my Spirit.  Rose and I must be joined more solidly, instead of constantly at odds with each other.  A Sister has told me that meditation will be the key, I just need to be able to find the focus to do it. If my family does go to Cassadaga Spiritualist Camp this year, I know i will be investing in a few classes to help calm Rose and communicate easier with her, and bring the other Spirit that i feel forward.  My Sister also says that calming everything within me will have me more open to more positive experiences and allow the right Man to come into my life.

The one that will bring me peace, both in my regular life, and in my submission to Him.  After being exposed and being part of this life, even for as short of a time that i have been a part of it, I know that this is part of me, part of who i am.  A vanilla relationship wont ever cut it anymore.  My needs have to be met, ALL of them, and with the right Man, i will meet all of His as well.

Another goal is to get my money under control.  I think i've started down a good path, my mother has made some suggestions that i will look into soon, on my own time.  I owe her for a few things, but i will slowly chip away at that balance until she and i are even.  The manner of how has yet to be discussed.  And whether it will entail shouting and tears and hurt feelings is something that has yet to be seen, but will more than likely happen because of how stubborn we both are.

Taken me an hour to write this. . . I need to get to bed. . . Then i will try to greet the new year with a smile, instead of the heavy heart and weapy eyes that i have now.

May The Gods All Bless You And Yours